Do you ever get those moments looking at your children where you are just completely overwhelmed by emotion?
I still find it completely amazing that there is this perfect little girl (that I GREW) who looks at me and sees me as the most important person in the whole wide world. I am simply the best, to her. It is awe inspiring, wonderful… And terrifying.
After all, it’s a lot to live up to! I worry sometimes that I’m not a good enough mum, and that, ultimately, I’m going to be a disappointment. To her, and to the rest of my family.
Parenthood is peppered with so many difficult decisions. It’s easy to scoff ahead of time and judge others on the decisions they make, but until you’re doing it you don’t know how tough it can be. It is a completely brilliant experience and being a mum is the best thing I have ever done in my life, but it is damn hard sometimes. Completely worth the sweat, swear words & tears… But damn hard.
The tough calls start straight away and there is no letting up. And everyone you talk to has their own opinion, on everything! Breast or bottle? Yes or no to dummies? Purees or baby led weaning? When to stop breastfeeding? The decisions seem endless and it’s so hard to make so many when people are constantly telling you that these (often ridiculously small) details are going to negatively affect your child’s development!
I think that the decisions would be easier if I didn’t love her so much! It’s those moments of overwhelming emotion that start you off worrying so much about the minutiae of daily life. The worry that one day she is going to look at me and think that maybe I’m not the best person in her world… The worry that one day I am going to make a catastrophic mistake and be a crap mummy after all.
For now, I see the way she looks at me and wants me, and feel so incredibly loved… And very responsible! It might be incredibly scary but I have to admit… I bloody love it.
So true! I wrote something like this called It’s the Little Things. You never expect to feel the way you do.