This week’s personal topic BritMums Blog Prompt of the Week is a fab one – I think you have to be brave for this one! It took a while for me to come up with something suitable, but I finally managed it!
If I wouldn’t be judged harshly, I would say… I think it’s important for me to be a stay at home mum instead of going back to work …out loud.
A bit of a mouthful, but nevermind!
When people ask me if I plan on going back to work at the end of my maternity leave, I always say “no because I wouldn’t get paid enough for it to be worth it, after paying for childcare”, and then tack on something at the end about wanting to stay at home with her… but in reality my main reason for choosing to be a stay at home mum is that I think it’s important that I have that role in Georgie’s life. It is true that I get paid so little for my old job that we wouldn’t be any better off financially if I put her in full-time childcare (especially now I’d have to pay for travel costs to work after moving house), but that didn’t really influence my decision much.
I’ve always known that I wanted to be a mum – but more than just that, I’ve always known what kind of mum I wanted to be. I don’t care if it’s old-fashioned to want to stay at home with my children; to want to “keep house” for my husband & family, bake cakes, play games, help my kids to learn and generally be a little bit of a stereotypical stepford wife & mother – it’s what I’ve always wanted and I’m delighted to have the opportunity to do so. I’m also so much happier and healthier than I was before I got pregnant – my quality of life has improved so much, even though we have less income (it’s not all about the money!).
I know I’m lucky that James makes (just enough!) money to support us – I appreciate him so much for that. And I’m also lucky that I have the skills to continue to grow my web design business to get us some extra money. But, I also feel very judged for not wanting to go back to full time work sometimes – as if it is really unambitious and anti-feminist to have your ambition simply to be becoming a really great mother. It’s not what a modern “supermum” does, so it’s not the right thing to do, or something like that!
I’ve had a few people say to me that Georgie won’t develop proper social skills without going to nursery, but I don’t see why she should be stunted if I continue to go to baby groups and things. I’ve even had the “won’t you get bored” line, but almost 5 months into this adventure and I think I can safely say I won’t! I have my baby to keep me laughing, the housework to keep me busy, my web design work to keep my mind active, and my blogging to give me an output! Not to mention going out & about with Georgie to various baby groups etc.
I’m not saying that every mother should stay at home with their kids, or that women should give up their careers to do so – if they want to have a career and be a mum then that’s great – for them. Everyone has the right to make that decision for themselves and everyone’s situation is completely different. There are mums that have no choice either way, mums who have to make a choice between benefits and working, and so on… I just wish that I didn’t feel so judged for making the decision to not go back to work because I want to be there for my child all day.
At the end of the day, I don’t want to miss anything my daughter does in these precious early years, even if staying at home just isn’t what “modern women” do. Money would have been tight whether I’d have gone to work or not, and I just don’t see the point of paying someone else to spend all day with my child, every day of the week. It’s a whole new chapter of our lives, and I’m determined to enjoy it.
Excellent post! I'm glad the BritMums Blogging Prompt brought it out of you! 😉 Well done!
🙂 Karin @ BritMums
Thank you! It took me a while to write last night – trying to find the right words to express what I was trying to say!
Brilliant post, loved reading it. It bought back all the feelings I had when I was trying to "justify" to others my decision not to go back to work too. I wouldn't have missed my time with my son for the world and it's so true that it whizzes by in a flash. My son starts school next year so he will be growing away from me just that little bit more then. Even now with four mornings at preschool, I miss him. It's really nobody's business but yours so just ignore them all!! Polly.
Thanks. You're right, time seems to be going in fast-forward nowadays! These first few years will really fly by and I don't want to miss anything.
Good for you! I wish i didn't have to go back to work but i did to survive, i get judged for that just like you get judged! Enjoy your time with you gorgeous little girl 🙂
Thank you – it's so frustrating that whatever people seem to decide there is always someone judging you! It seems there is no right answer 😛
Hear hear! Well said! Finally someone who understands! I wish I could have put it so well myself! I too had children because I wanted the privilage of raising children myself. Mine are all at school now, and that brings a whole new chapter of assumptions that you’ll go back to paid employment. They don’t stop needing you because they’re at school, and my job as a Mum is for more than 5 years. I never want my kids to feel they are in the way or an inconvenience, because it’s school holidays or they are poorly. There I’ve said it! And I still don’t have any difficulty filling my day, and we also live on a small budget! Stick to your guns and enjoy it!
Thanks – it took me ages to find the right words to express what I wanted to say properly! I'm hoping to stay as a work from home mum even after my kids are in school – hopefully I will have grown my business enough by then to be able to have enough money coming in to help support the family. That way I can work around holidays and sick days without my children feeling they are an inconvenience, like you say. Thanks for the encouraging words!
Really well said, good for you!
Cheers, took me ages to get the right words for what I wanted to say!
Great post! I wish I could stay at home and look after my little girl for the next few years (and beyond…) but it's so much more practical for her Dad to do it (he works evenings/weekends so between us, if I have two mornings off a week we can look after her). I don't mind so much missing milestones etc if I know it's her Dad who gets to see them and not a stranger.
I know what you mean – if I was in that situation I think I'd be the same. I don't mind James seeing something for the first time that I've missed, at least he's her father and not some random nursery nurse! Plus, it's only fair that Dads get their share of exciting moments with their kids 😀
I feel exactly the same. I had a well paid job and would probably be bringing in a little extra money if I was still working (until we had George anyway) but once I had William I realised what I'd always known, but never dared to hope would happen, and that is that I have always simply wanted to be a Mum and nothing else. It is hard at times but very rewarding and I wouldn't change ot for the world 🙂