What they REALLY don’t tell you about having a baby

There are a lot of blog posts and fun news items about “stuff they don’t tell you when you have a baby” but, let’s be honest, you are actually told them all. Several times over.

By the time you get to your due date you know perfectly well that you are going to have to learn to eat one-handed, that you’re going to be drinking your coffee lukewarm for the next year (at least!), and that sleeping is going to be a rare enough commodity that you will get to the stage where you feel the need to brag when you manage to get four whole hours in a row!

Instead, I have decided to tell you the things that I wasn’t told. Could these be the real secrets or parenting… or are they just quirks limited to the Mama Geek household?!

One – Bye Bye Privacy

Firstly, you will never again get to go to the bathroom alone. When out and about with just you & the baby you will find yourself hunting for disabled loos and/or baby change facilities that have a toilet and changing table, and are big enough to contain yourself, a pushchair, all your belongings.

At home, even if your other half is in the house, your child will insist on hunting you down whenever you nip off to the loo. And woe betide you if you lock the door because you will be rewarded with a loud wailing as soon as your desire for privacy is discovered. Really, it’s just easier to leave the door ajar… and keep a few toys on the bathroom floor.

Two – Toys are a Giant Waste of Money

My second secret I have to share with you is that toys are not really all that necessary. Everything else in the whole world is infinitely more interesting that those lovely expensive toys you have been buying in preparation for your new miracle of life. You would be better off investing in a few extra remote controls for your telly because you will never know where the damn thing has disappeared to.

Who needs toys when you can just beat Mummy's laptop with a remote control?!

Also, that cardboard box that lovely big toy you bought was delivered in? That is probably going to be found far more interesting than the toy itself. And (speaking from personal experience) do not (whatever you do) let your husband keep condoms on his bedside table, or you’ll be snatching them out of your startled babies hands!

What makes me laugh is that even though you will discover this for yourself fairly quickly, you will keep (as we all do) on buying toys, in the vain hope that one of these toys will replace the remote control as the favourite possession. Just because they picked up a rattle once and gave it a vague shake, you continue to hold onto these flimsy hopes and dreams.

Three – The (Stinky) Downside of Baby Led Weaning

It’s no secret that baby led weaning is widely considered the best way to wean your child onto solids. It’s great for a number of reasons – your child gets used to different flavours and textures quickly, you don’t have to faff about with purees or jars of baby food, and you can just amend your diet a bit to make it suitable for a child and carry on happily with your mealtimes. The end result is a less fussy eater who learns to self feed quickly, and much less stressed parents too – you don’t need to panic every time you are out past lunchtime and you don’t have a jar of baby food with you – just give them whatever you’re having (within reason)! Ok, it can be messy, but I’m pretty sure the other kinds of weaning are too.

What they don’t tell you, however, is that you are going to be encountering a lot of the food you give your child again. There are certain foods that are really quite recognisable when they have made their way through your baby’s digestive system – and, if they are anything like Georgie, sods law will make sure that these particular foods are quickly established as firm favourites and will need to be served up on a regular basis to keep your little ones happy.

After 6 months of lovely milk nappies (whether it be formula or breastmilk), boy are you going to be in for a shock. It’s not just the frequently identifiable lumps that are going to make you wish you’d persuaded your other half into changing this particular nappy, but the rainbow of colours and textures that come out are actually pretty much as varied as the ones going in. And OH my giddy aunt… the smell! It has actually been known for James to be able to tell when Georgie has filled her nappy in the morning from DOWNSTAIRS. And that’s through her closed bedroom door!

What are your real secrets of parenting?

Do you have any tips or secrets to share that nobody told you before you had a baby? Post your own “real secrets of parenting” blog post and link it up below!

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3 thoughts on “What they REALLY don’t tell you about having a baby

  1. So true, SO true! Especially the part about going to the toilet, and the baby led weaning for that matter! I yearn for the day I can go to the toilet in private, there is nothing worse than having to stand up mid-wee to stop junior jumping into the bath or turning on the hot tap.

    Same goes for baby led weaning, why did I bother going to uni for four years if I was going to spend the majority of my time scrabbling around on the floor picking up bits of food!

    My tip would be…..erm, a changing mat in every room? Get your changing bag ready the night before AND don't bother buying baby biscuits etc, get the smart price rich tea ones, I have no proof but I am convinced they are the same thing anyway!

  2. Hello, great post. Some great insight, especially the one about the nappies and weaning. I have written a post recently and am trying to link up but I can't see the linky, unless it's just me being dumb. Anyway *waves* it's nice to meet you!

  3. Oh I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one having company in the loo! I'm trying to convince my DH to share the toilet with our son too (so he see how daddy does it), but he doesn't feel comfortable! lol

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